Being able to communicate effectively with others requires social skills, and here are eight essential ones:

1. Understand people

People not only come in all shapes and sizes, but they also come with different personality types. You may want to brush up on how to communicate with the four main personality types by reading this article. In fact, communication students couldn’t do better than buy Bem Allen’s excellent introduction to personality types, ‘Theories of Personality’.

People are individuals, with as many similarities from one person to another as there are differences. To communicate most effectively, each will require that you communicate with them in their own individual preferred style, using their language, their body gestures, and their rhythm and intonation.

So how do you figure out the best way to communicate with someone? Spend time with them! Don’t expect to meet someone on the street and talk intimately with them in a minute. Understanding a subject takes time, whether that subject is academic or another human being.

2. Express your thoughts and feelings clearly

Our brains can only receive a certain amount of information at any given time. We’re bombarded with messages every second of the day, so to compete with the barrage of “noise” a person faces, your message needs to be clear, concise, and to the point.

It is well worth taking the time to plan your communication, no matter what method is delivered, to ensure that you are taking the least amount of time to express the right level of thought in the most simple and responsive way.

3. Speak up when your needs are not being met

As important in business relationships as it is in domestic ones, talking to make sure your needs are met is a critical part of any relationship.

You may want to read this article on assertive, non-aggressive communication, but in a nutshell, there are six different ways you can be assertive and non-aggressive in your communication: rehearsing your behavior before communication; repeating your communication (the ‘broken record’ technique); fogging; ask for negative feedback; tentative agreement with negative feedback; and creating a workable compromise.

Assertiveness is a useful communication tool. Its application is contextual and it is not convenient to be assertive in all situations. Remember, your sudden use of assertiveness may be perceived by others as an act of aggression.

4. Ask for feedback from others and give quality feedback in return

Along with assertiveness techniques, giving and receiving feedback is a key communication skill that must be learned if you want to have any hope of developing long-term business relationships.

Toastmasters International teaches a useful feedback and critical review technique: Give a sincere compliment first, follow up with practical suggestions for improvement, and then finish with more sincere praise. It is known as ‘CRC’, or ‘Commend, Recommend, Commend’, a three-step model for excellence in delivering quality feedback.

Remember, too, that truthfulness is a subjective view. What you may find unpleasant in someone else may be equally desirable from someone else’s point of view. As I learned from living through a series of IRA atrocities in England and observing US political and media reactions, one man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter.

5. Influencing how others think and act

We all have the opportunity to influence how others think and act. From Cialdini’s principles of persuasion to simple violence (verbal or physical in nature), every day we are able to shape the thoughts and actions of those around us.

From something as simple as smiling and saying “Hello!” As a way to influence someone’s mood, to lead by example during an intense period of change, there are many ways to induce or elicit the required behaviors and attitudes from others.

Remember that an attitude leads to an emotion, which in turn leads to an action. Shape attitudes and you will have a more reliable way of predicting actions.

6. Bring conflicts to the surface and resolve them

I confess: I am not ‘natural’ in conflict management. It takes marrying into an existing family of three children to help this one child come to terms with conflict.

It took me three years of living in my family to realize that it is possible to co-exist in a conflict and not get personally involved. But it was not an easy lesson to learn, I assure you!

But being a stepparent to teenage boys has helped me learn the importance of bringing conflicts and feelings to the surface where they can be handled more easily.

Your employees may be harboring secret resentments toward you, and unless you find out what they are and bring these “dark secrets” out into the light of day, you’ll never be able to deal with them successfully.

It’s embarrassing, potentially humiliating, and requires a high level of patience not to launch directly into a defensive mode, but giving people a chance to express their concerns, disappointments, and anger, face-to-face, gives you a great opportunity to make things right. . or help them see where their thoughts and feelings are out of place.

7. Collaborate with others instead of doing things alone

This surprises me, but learning to delegate and share has been essential in growing my own business.

The quickest way to get immersed in too much detail and workload is to try to do it all yourself. However, sharing the workload may be the smartest thing you’ll ever do. This is why:

‘Leverage’.

Leverage is taking your skills and abilities and allowing others to expand your ability to work. You train them to do what you do and do something else.

A mason can only lay a certain number of bricks in an hour, but that same mason can train 15 peers to lay bricks and all of a sudden those 15 masons are building monuments while the first mason is out securing more work for them.

While the 15 are laying bricks, the original mason may be learning how to do advanced masonry work, or learning sales strategies, or learning supervisory skills.

The lesson is simple: try to do everything yourself and the ‘everything’ will bury you; teach others to do what you do and build a monument.

Jesus taught 11 men how to do what he did. Then he let them continue while he moved on to other things. From the simple act of one man teaching 11 others, the largest and most influential church and religious movement the world has ever known was born.

8. Switch gears when relationships are unproductive

Sometimes you need to walk away. Sometimes you need to get rid of unhealthy cargo. And sometimes you need to take drastic measures to regain your balance and momentum.

‘Shifting gears’ can be as simple as changing the location of your supervisory meeting from a dark office to a nearby cafe. Sometimes the meeting can be moved from right after lunch to early the next morning, when clearer minds prevail.

Sometimes it can mean increasing the level of assertiveness to ensure that the point you are making is received. Sometimes it may mean inviting others to the meeting so that the other person understands the implications of their attitude or actions.

And sometimes it can mean helping them find a more meaningful and fulfilling role outside of their sphere of influence.

As a management psychologist, I clearly remember one organization I consulted: the only way out of a staff impasse was to remove impediments to progress. Which meant helping key players find a new job outside the organization. Sometimes culture change can only be done quickly by bringing in a whole new team and throwing away the dead wood. But only as a last resort.

conclusion

The whole idea of ​​being skillful people is knowing or finding how to bring out the best in others in any situation, rather than the worst. By mastering these eight essential soft skills, you dramatically increase your chances of getting the best results from your business interactions and challenges.