Have you ever experienced the situation where you wanted to have sex but you weren’t sure if she was in the mood? Have you ever been in a situation where, at some point in the night, she tells you that it “is on” but later when the time comes, it cools off? Are you frustrated because you are not sure how to turn the heat back on?
Let me share with you an idea that you can try to regain that heat and put it in the mood.
Learning to be sexually assertive is a huge challenge for many men, because it doesn’t come naturally.
In reality, most men can be very shy about approaching this matter, even men who are very outgoing when talking to women in other situations. Even men in relationships can find it intimidating to be sexually assertive with the women in your life.
Much of the problem is the fear of rejection or humiliation. What could be worse than acting like Casanova, only getting rejected?
What do you mean by sexual assertiveness? Let’s clear up the confusion some men have about this. Sexual assertiveness is not sexually “aggressive,” it is not sexually “pushy,” and it is not sexually “aggressive” or “demanding.” In other words, it’s not about being a total jerk who goes for what he wants no matter how she feels.
So what exactly is sexually assertive and how do you make it work for you? In fact, this is the opposite of sexual intent, which is what most men do by nature.
Here are two examples: one verbal and one physical to show you the difference between “assertive” and “intent” and why the former turns women on, while the other is a huge dislike.
Suppose you are sitting with your arm around her, feeling horny and wanting to have sex. You could ask him in many ways. You could jokingly say it with a comical expression on your face and say “wanna get on baby?”
You could send the same message in a way that you are unsure or boring and maybe “doing it” could be a fun idea. You will almost certainly shrug and reply “I’m really not in the mood” or “I don’t know.”
Because no woman wants to have sex with a guy who sends mixed signals that may mean he’s interested or just wants to do something to kill his time. Even if she was in the mood, you could kill him by asking like this.
From these 2 examples, you can see that your wife follows your emotional lead. If you are making it fun, she will think it is fun. If you are indifferent, she will feel indifferent. Your emotions will generally follow the man.
The guy who tries sexually will ask the question, hoping that she will say yes, but deep down he has no confidence in his own sex appeal and is half sure that she will say no. he may half-ask and not dare to make eye contact. You can even do it half jokingly because you don’t dare to do your best. In case of rejection, you can save your ego by saying that you are only joking.
In his eyes, this boy doesn’t even have the guts to clearly express what he wants. In reaction to his confused and indecisive behavior, she will come out of the situation and choose to believe that it is a joke that the boy regrets that he did not mean it. Your “excuse” becomes your excuse. His emotion (intent) triggers an emotion in the woman (repulsion).
On the other hand, a sexually assertive guy will ask the question in a way that is more of a statement than a question. He is comfortable with her desire and is sure that she will enjoy it too. He will look her straight in the eye and get close enough to make her feel the heat of his desire because he is comfortable with his desire. He’s sure he can turn her on when he calmly but firmly says, “Come on, babe.”
Guess what, if you do this correctly what will it say?
She will be speechless, she will stare at you, with dilated pupils, reddened skin and slightly open mouth waiting for your kiss. A big part of this isn’t what you say, it’s how you say it. This is largely determined by the emotional state of your mind as you convey your message.
Women are extremely sensitive to this “subtle current” and body language and she can sense it when you possess the confident thoughts of a sexually assertive man. If you have deep doubts, she will hear them in the instability of your voice, in the attempt to feel your touch or in the way that you are afraid to have eye contact with her.
Now let’s go to the second example: a purely physical focus.
You sit next to her with your arm around her in a calm, trusting, and gentle manner, not sexually “aggressive” or “aggressive”, but still assertive about what you want. You can stroke her hair or push it out of her eyes, you can run the back of your hand across her cheek, or you can stroke her face and lips with your fingertips.
You know how much girls love being touched and how much they love having a man’s hands on them. You never let her get rid of the intensity of your gaze. You approach her with your whole body because you are not ashamed of your own sexual desire. You get closer, you stop for a moment and, without saying anything, you start kissing her passionately. The good thing here is that the act of kissing alone is sexually assertive enough.
In general, women have a lot of respect for men who behave in this way. Most women will tell you that they would rather have a man kiss them without saying anything. Of course, this is not applicable when she does not know you well and has not decided if you are her Mr. Right.
On the other hand, you can go for this intent approach. You get a little closer to her slowly, but you’re not sure if the time is right. You do not dare to look her in the eyes, you lean your head forward keeping the rest of your body as far away from her as possible so that she “does not get the wrong idea” and thinks that you are not a “gentleman” and then plants her a light kiss on the cheek. This may work initially, but in a relationship, a tentative kiss becomes boring very quickly and will not lead to bedroom action.
