In every relationship there will be occasional misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Sometimes we are the ones who hurt another person we care about; sometimes we are the ones who have been hurt.
Sometimes both people have been very angry with each other, or both feel hurt. Hurt feelings can be the result of a slip of the tongue, a misunderstanding, or an action done in poor judgment. Sometimes feelings are deliberately hurt in the heat of anger and later regretted.
If we were to blame, we might regret what we said the second we let the hurtful comment out of our mouths. We may want to apologize right away, but some of us find it extremely difficult, almost impossible, to apologize for anything.
Sometimes the reason we don’t apologize is because we’re convinced the other person totally deserves our outburst of anger. Sometimes the reason we don’t apologize is because we have no idea that we hurt the other person. And sometimes we apologize profusely, but we don’t really mean it.
When you sincerely apologize to a friend, it means that you are sorry for causing the other person emotional pain and want to work on repairing the friendship.
If you’ve said or done something to hurt your friend or partner, it’s important to acknowledge your loved one’s painful emotions. You can say something like, “I’m so sorry you feel hurt by what I said. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Let’s talk about what happened.”
In some relationships, hurt feelings and problems are never dealt with. Instead, they are “swept under the rug.” These relationships may seem polite on the surface and may even be long-lasting, but they are actually not very intimate. There is no deep exchange between the two people and no ability to be honest.
If one or both of you feel very angry with the other, postpone further discussion until you are both calm and level-headed. But sincerely apologize to your friend as soon as you can.
Once an apology for a particular incident has been extended and accepted, don’t go back and revisit old battles the next time you have a disagreement. Deal with each incident as it arises and don’t nurse old resentments.
