“Our body is not some nonsense that we struggle to free ourselves from… that we learn to feel, to move, to smell, to touch, to hear, to hunger and to love.”

~ Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes

Women who run with the wolves.

dear ladies,

We challenge ourselves to improve every area of ​​our lives, but we often invite people into our space who treat us “casually”. Question: How do we spot the casual behavior of a potential suitor, business partner, or friend?

Every week, I recite Dr. Pinkola-Estes’ quote to myself for a couple of reasons. One is powerful. Two, she talks a lot about the emotional struggles of women in their quest for education, personal freedoms, and independence.

Jim Rohn, (1930-2009), one of the world’s ancient masters of communication, once said, “To communicate well, don’t treat conversations (or people) casually.” Rohn referred to the word ‘accidentally’ meaning without sufficient care. He said: “Chance brings casualties to the conversation.” Think about that point. Rohn also pointed out the importance of communication. He said, “Everything we feel and have to say is important, so why would anyone feel comfortable treating another person casually?”

The connection

As a woman, I think about where we (women) came from and what we’ve been through to position ourselves where we are today. I’m sure you’re aware of the hustle and bustle of other women because you can relate to how demanding our promotions as the world’s top masters can be. So when a man decides to treat a woman casually, she is called upon to pause and question, what is her intention? If not to aspire together, allowing both people to differentiate and support each other’s growth, and breathe life into each other, your intention may be to satisfy your own personal agenda for the time being.

How do you recognize casual behavior? Especially if it’s beautifully masked in random acts of kindness and thoughtfulness. I provided some examples of casual treatment below:

Examples of informal treatment

(1) Professional Relationship

Kelly Ripa was told by the media that Michael Strahan, her partner on Live with Kelly and Michael, has accepted a new position on another network. Ripa felt betrayed and hurt; The entire stage highlighted the importance of communication, consideration, and most importantly, respect in the workplace. Her responses below captured her disappointment:

“Sometimes when you feel so comfortable with someone, you may not give them the same consideration as someone you don’t feel so comfortable with: a certain formality is lost.” (Also a personal example)

“Finding the perfect chemistry, camaraderie and trust is not easy; it doesn’t fall from the sky. It requires work and (group) discussion.”

(2) personal relationship

The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date, is a casual deal. This is done in the hope that the person will simply “get the hint” and leave the subject alone rather than the subject respectfully communicating that he or she is no longer interested. In addition to dating, this type of casual behavior is also seen in friendships.

So why do people treat people with indifference when the alternative is easier? Most people don’t expect difficult conversations. It is natural for us to avoid conflict as it reinforces anxiety and avoidance is the shortest path with the fewest obstacles. But only for the moment. Casual dealings can lead to larger confrontations in the future and are likely to provoke anger and hurt in the recipient.

What if we choose the alternative and give that person attention and a direct response? By working to overcome the fear of conflict, we can reduce anxiety and build our courage and communication skills that are important in our relationships. By avoiding casual treatment, we can prevent casualties.

(3) Divorce/Custody

*Mary went to court to get custody of her children. Instead of sharing the sacrifices she made as a mother for her children, Mary pointed the finger at the ex-husband’s aggressive behavior as he shared how he cared for her children as a father. Due to her casual treatment of her ex-husband, Mary nearly lost custody of the children. The judge sent them both a clear message:

“You two need to learn to communicate better with each other. I can only imagine what your conversations are like at home, based on the way you introduced yourself today. Fix the communication and start raising these kids.”

Tips to consider

Keep in mind ladies, your life is important. You are a woman of integrity and deep feelings, perfection is not required. We have a responsibility to treat each other well, yes. We also have a responsibility to treat other people with respect. Your fight may not be other people’s fight, but they are human. As the scripture says Matthew 7:12, “Treat others as you wish to be treated.” And after fighting all your life for the right to feel, to move, to smell, to touch, to listen, to hunger and to love, put a little respect into that routine. Chance brings casualties.

Think about the impact of that date.

Here are 5 tips for spotting casual dealing:

1. Feel the energy around you.

2. Be present. Listen to what the recipient says and doesn’t say.

3. Ask the right questions to determine an agenda.

4. Do not confuse politeness with interest.

5. Have compassion and draw a line.

Gentlemen, women face many challenges in life at home, at work, in general and personally. Don’t bring us down with casual behavior anymore. It’s messy, inconsiderate and reveals the shadow of your character. Don’t be messy. Dr. Maya Angelou once said, “Don’t play and play” with people’s lives. If you can’t treat them decently, apologize and take your mess away because no one has time for that. Communication is a two-way street. “Any good thing we build ends up building us.” (J. Rohn) Let us consider how our communication choices impact our lives and those around us. Informal treatment is an unhealthy form of communication. And, the casual deal could be a matter of life and death.

Note:

Think about why this message might be important to your life right now.

Clarissa’s quote and Jim’s message brought the meaning of communication to another level.

*Name change to protect identity.