Imagine that you walk into a store and see a dress. You try it on and it suits you. You think, “Maybe I’ll buy it, but do I have the right shoes for it?” Then you look at the price tag and see that it is marked “final sale”. “Hmmm” you think. “Great dress. But if I buy it, I can’t return it.” So you return the dress and leave the store.
Now imagine that you walk into the store and see a baby. You think “I would like to have a baby, but now is a good time?”. Then you look at the bracelet on the baby’s foot and it’s marked “yours for life.” “Hmmm” you think. “I’ll take it”.
That’s the thing about having a baby. We can’t test motherhood to see how it fits. Once we are mothers, we are in this for life. Above all, we are at peace with this. Our son smiles at us or jumps with excitement at something he just has to tell us, and all is well in our world. But there are times when motherhood gets under our skin. Exhibit A: My five-year-old son who lately insists on saying “mom” over and over again until I give him the answer he wants, not the answer I’ve already given him. And he is not “mom”. He is “MUMMEEEYA, MUMMEEEYA, MUMMEEEYA”. But just when I think I’m going to lose my cool, he says, “I love you,” and I think back to how great it is to be a mom.
Lately, I have begun to actively seek out opportunities to appreciate the joy of being a mother. I may not have a choice if I feel like being a mom on a particular day, but as Judith M. Knowlton said, “I’ve found that I always have choices, and sometimes it’s just an attitude choice.” So I ask myself, what attitude am I taking right now? And when my attitude doesn’t work, I try to step back and make a decision to do something different. The other day I was stressed and in a rush to get out when my daughter wanted a hug. Instead of begging her to please get in the car (sounds familiar!), I stopped, hugged her and said something funny to her only to see her cute dimple and the twinkle in her eyes. And I felt better.
Positive psychologists call this savoring. Tasting is awareness of pleasure and paying deliberate mindful attention to the experience of pleasure. We can savor the present by enjoying activities as they happen. We can savor past experiences by remembering them positively. And we can taste the future by anticipating upcoming events. According to positive psychologist, Robert Biswas-Diener, and coach, Ben Dean, a person who can effectively savor the past, enjoy the present, and hold hope for the future “can reap a bountiful psychological harvest that includes a high life satisfaction, happiness and an optimal life. go.” So why not give it a try today?
