When it comes to dating, there are a number of women who feel that because they are a good match, the relationship gods are being cruel to them. They look at their friends and loved ones who are happily married or in a relationship and think they’ve been cursed because they don’t have that special someone to share their life with. I can understand. For years I felt the same way. I sat and rode the dating and relationship roller coaster for years while all my friends and family got married and started families. Why did they easily find their comrades and keep fighting year after year? I eventually learned that there were no relationship gods that favored one over another.

Ultimately, I learned that no matter how good the catch, there were only 5 reasons why they wanted to be in a relationship and could still be single. If everyone tells you what a catch you are, but you still haven’t found that special someone to share your life with, you might want to check out the following list. From my experiences, these are the only reasons why a woman is a good choice and still single:

1) You haven’t gotten over your past – Once our hearts have been broken, it is very difficult to let go of that memory for fear that it will happen again. As children we learn that if we touch the stove we get burned. The pain of that experience lets us know that if we touch hot things we feel pain. As a result, we quickly learn to avoid hot things. When it comes to dating, being “burned out” often causes us to avoid situations or relationships where we fear it might happen again.

2) you make bad decisions – One of the things I learned on my journey was that I was responsible for the decisions I made (or didn’t make) in my relationships. If I had a bad relationship it was because I chose to be with someone who didn’t make me happy. It wasn’t his fault, it was mine. The results of our life are in direct proportion to the quality of our choices and decisions. If she’s currently single and frustrated with the men she’s been involved with, you may want to see what the decisions she’s made contributed to her misery.

3) You’re waiting for it to happen– The chances of the doorbell ringing and the guy on the wire coming in and being the man of your dreams are very slim. You can’t win the lottery if you don’t buy a ticket and you can’t get in shape just by joining a gym. Just because you’ve joined an online dating site and filled out your profile doesn’t mean it’s going to happen to you.

You have to take action. You have to get off your butt and take action…consistent action! Those people who succeed in life do so because they put themselves in a position to win. Do they win all the time? NO. They get knocked down and lose more times than they win. But they don’t give up. They realize that the prize is worth the time and effort they put in. Dating is simply a numbers game. Nothing more and nothing less. The clearer you are about what you are looking for and the more men you meet, the easier it will be for you to find the guy you are looking for.

4) You are afraid of being vulnerable – One of the cool things about finding love is that you can’t find it if you don’t make yourself vulnerable. Being uncomfortable and entering the world of the unknown is something that most human beings abhor. Rather than feel the fear and do it anyway, most humans withdraw and return to the world of what they know and are comfortable with.

The irony is that it becomes much more difficult for a person to experience the wonders of finding love if they don’t make themselves vulnerable. Yes, it’s a risk, but the reward is worth it. In fact, that’s how life works. You cannot get the good fruit unless you are willing to risk it.

5) It’s not the right time… yet. My wife and I often joke about how grateful we are that we didn’t get married earlier in life. As we were both products of close-knit Italian families, we both wanted to get married earlier in life. When we met in our mid-thirties, we had both thought we’d get married and have a couple of kids.

Upon reflection, we realized that it was much better that we not marry younger. We were not ready or prepared for the commitment of spending the rest of your life with someone. We also realized that by marrying later in life we ​​were able to experience things and go places that would not have been possible if we had settled down in our twenties as planned. When we met, we were ready and better prepared to experience the next chapters of our lives because the previous chapters had been completed.

I firmly believe that if your heart’s true desire is to find someone special to share your life with and you are emotionally ready for that person, you will find them when the time is right for you. In the grand scope of life, what’s the difference if you spend 45 years with someone or 40 with them? The most important thing is that you finally find that special person. Because when you do, the past no longer matters.