Earl’s kidnapped son: A real life test of the choice between being right or being happy

After several years of marriage, a close friend of mine, I’ll call him Earl, divorced Sheryl. They had joint custody of her 8-year-old son. Sheryl asked Earl if she could take her son to Israel on a seven-day tour sponsored by the church. Earl gave her permission.

kidnapping When the tour group returned home, Sheryl and her son were not with them. Sheryl had eloped with her son with no intention of returning to the US Earl contacted the State Department. They couldn’t help since Sheryl was the mother. Earl contacted INTERPOL. They were not helpful. Earl then hired a local private investigator in Jerusalem, the last place the tour group had seen them. He couldn’t find them.

Meanwhile, Earl had planned to get married again a week after his son and Sheryl got back. His son was to be the bearer of the rings at the wedding ceremony. On the day of the wedding, Sheryl and her son had not yet returned.

They went ahead with the wedding ceremony without their son present. Earl and his new girlfriend canceled their honeymoon and booked airfare to Israel.

The search. After a week of fruitless searching all over Jerusalem with the private investigator, Earl almost gave up. His return flight was Sunday night. Then, on Sunday morning, the day they were due to return to the US, they tried one last time to “advocate” for one of the few English-speaking churches in Jerusalem, thinking this would be a natural place for the his wife out.

Sure enough, right in front of them, they saw Sheryl and her son enter the church. Sheryl went to the main sanctuary and her son went to a Sunday school class.

Earl walked into the Sunday school classroom, took his son by the hand, took a cab to the airport, and walked home with him.

A few days later, Sheryl also returned to the US.

The decision. Now Earl had a decision to make. Should he arrest Sheryl for kidnapping, or at least for violating the terms of her divorce? Should he tell his son the truth that his mother had tried to prevent her from seeing her father again? Should he stand up in the court of public opinion and paint an accurate picture of what Sheryl did and punish her in front of her friends and family?

Or should you do nothing to punish your ex for his appalling behavior?

Eric was under great pressure from his friends to lock Sheryl up and throw away the key. He thing not.

All she did was amend the custody agreement to have full custody and require that all of her son’s visitation with his mother be supervised by a court-appointed social worker. In essence, he gave her ex a pass to kidnap her son and try to separate him from his father forever.

The rational. Earl thought that his and his new wife’s happiness would be severely hampered by a long drawn-out court case, and his son would suffer from seeing his mother arrested and ultimately imprisoned. His child would benefit from having a relationship with his mother, flawed as it was, and his child’s safety would be protected by supervised visitation.

Earl suffered knowing that his friends thought he was letting Sheryl go lightly, and they thought he looked weak doing so. Many thought that Sheryl should be severely punished for what she did.

Earl’s bottom line was “What would be best for him, his new wife, and their son? What would give my family the most happiness in the future?” He wasn’t concerned about what would be the most appropriate treatment for Sheryl.

So what is the point?

In honoring his desire to bring the greatest happiness to his home with his son and his new wife, Earl embodies the courage it takes to truly live the philosophy that being happy is more rewarding than being right.

Earl’s story stands as a beacon for every divorced person who dares to ask the question, “Am I strong enough to let being happy be enough?”