What little kid doesn’t enjoy a challenging treasure hunt? Arouse his interest. Demand your investigative skills. His tenacity. His cunning. “They just think they can hide the treasure from me, but I’ll prove I’m too smart for them and find that treasure, by God.”

Few young children ever really grow up. Treasures can change. A bus. A business deal. A woman. But they still enjoy treasure hunting, the search for what is hidden and possibly unreachable unless they can prove how smart they are.

You are the treasure. Make that happy man go on a treasure hunt for the details of you, your story, your pain and pleasure, your dreams. Make him work for it and make him feel smart when he discovers another lead.

Here are a couple of tips: If, upon discovering something you’ve allowed him to find, he sings too loud in a way that makes you feel slighted, if he seems to think he’s smarter than you and becomes disrespectful, don’t stand for it. We want to enjoy a mutually satisfying relationship, not indulge an unhealthy sense of male superiority. Also, you can try to demand all the sordid little details of past relationships. That doesn’t mean you’re obligated to give it to them. You are in charge of his story, not him. You get to decide how much to share and when to share it, not him.

Never give the poor guy too many clues or little treasures too quickly. He doesn’t want it to be easy. You want to be successful but you want to have to work for that success. Don’t cheat him out of the treasure hunt. And never let the treasure hunt come to an end. There should never come a time in your relationship where he knows everything about you. Otherwise, the game is over and you could look for another opportunity to go on a treasure hunt.

So, to be specific, when you reveal facts about your past, analyze the information discreetly. He ignores any abuse, that just gives him tacit permission to do the same to you or worse. And always remember that you are the treasure and he is on a treasure hunt. It’s essential that you don’t say everything upfront, and it’s perfectly fine if he gets muddy during the course of the hunt.