I often hear from wives who feel that their marriage (and therefore their life) is in limbo. Often, her husband has been withdrawing from them and from the marriage. Sometimes the husband has come to insinuate, suggest or initiate a break or separation. The wife may assume this means the marriage is over, but many husbands fail to confirm this, which can drive the wife crazy.

I heard from a wife who said, “My husband moved out six months ago. When he left home, he told me he wanted a space to rediscover himself and promised he would go with me to counseling. That never happened. We don’t know.” They’ve seen each other regularly. He sees the children regularly, but I’m not included in these visits. He says he’s not seeing anyone else, but I’m not sure if I believe him. The other day, I told him it wasn’t fair that we lived in limbo like that. I told him to be honest with me about what is going to happen with our marriage. I looked him right in the face and said ‘tell me Tell me the truth. Is it over?’ I immediately said that if it wasn’t over, that meant he was going to commit to our marriage. I was very disappointed when he said he couldn’t make that commitment yet. This just doesn’t make sense to me. If he doesn’t go so far as to say it’s over but he promises to help me save my marriage, where does this leave me?

I really felt for this wife because I have been there myself. When you are in this situation, you feel like your life is on hold. You don’t want to get your hopes up only to have them shrink. But you certainly don’t want to give up on your marriage either. Then what do you do? Well, there are a couple of things, which I will discuss next.

Although it may not seem like it now, it can be good news (and a good thing) that your husband does not say that your marriage is over: I know that your refusal to say the marriage is over and at the same time refusing to commit to saving him might not seem like much of a victory. But believe me, it can be. Because I hear from so many wives on my blog whose husbands are being very blunt and clear that their marriage is completely over. In fact, these husbands often give their wives no hope that the marriage can be saved.

So, as confused and frustrated as you are, know that at least you still have some hope. Okay, it may be sending you mixed signals and you don’t know what tomorrow holds. But she stopped short of saying that it was totally and completely over. And in my experience and opinion, this can be very significant. The way I see it, you can use that as a catalyst to move forward with a positive and hopeful attitude because this will help you no matter what tomorrow brings.

Working on yourself while you wait for him to make a more definitive decision: In my opinion, the worst thing you can do right now is pressure your husband to make a quick decision. I know you are eager to get some information and move on. But her husband has repeatedly shown her that he is not ready to give it to her. If you push too hard, she may go ahead and say it’s over, even if this isn’t what she really wants or how she really feels just because you didn’t give her the time she needed to come to a genuine decision. You don’t want to force him into a rushed response, which might be the one you don’t want.

When I was going through this situation, my attitude was always that as long as he didn’t tell me it was over or file for a divorce, there was still a chance that he would finally make the decision that saved our marriage (And ultimately, this is what happened .) I know you feel like you’re in limbo, but while you’re waiting for your husband to make the best decision, there’s nothing that says you can’t start moving forward in a healthy way on your own.

The wife said her husband hadn’t kept his promise to go to therapy, but nothing said she couldn’t go through with this on her own. Helping yourself will provide some relief. If going to counseling on her own makes you uncomfortable, there are many resources you can try in your own home that don’t require you to go anywhere.

And let me tell you a secret. Often when you start to make improvements in yourself or your own life, it will improve the way you approach and interact with your husband, which in turn will improve your marriage. I know you may be skeptical about it, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen it work. The truth is that your husband will often notice positive changes in you and respond accordingly in his positive way.

In my case, I begged and pleaded with my husband to make the decision to come home. I put the blame and the pressure and still he kept delaying any commitment or decision. In fact, the more he pushed him, the less he saw or heard. He was avoiding me because he didn’t like dealing with my drama. I eventually gave up on this strategy because he really had no choice. It wasn’t until I backed off and worked on myself that he started coming after me and this made all the difference.

Since you’re really in a position where you need to have the patience to give it some wiggle room, what’s wrong with trying to make the best of it while doing it, especially when the very act of doing so can improve your swings? of opinion? save your marriage?