It’s hard when a long-term marriage breaks up, but harboring feelings of bitterness isn’t good. These negative feelings prolong the agony and prevent you from rebuilding your life. Instead, why not redesign your life? Remember that it will take time to ‘get over’ your partner leaving, but also believe that you will recover.

The road to recovery

Work through negative emotions: It’s natural to be angry at first. It’s almost a grieving process, although your partner may not be dead, they’re gone and it will take time for you to adjust. However, do not hold on to those feelings of anger and bitterness, let them go. Says Jane: “Once I got over the shock of his leaving, I gained a new lease on life. At first I was resentful that he had left me and I began to think I had wasted thirty years of my life with my ‘traitor’ husband. Thankfully , my divorce coach asked me to make a list of the good things about my marriage and once I had the list I realized that these were not wasted years.

My marriage had given me two wonderful children, we had traveled extensively, and made great friends, several of whom supported me through the darkest days of divorce. Little by little I took up new hobbies and through them I met new people. I suddenly realized after three years that I was doing what I wanted to do and that I was happier than I had been when I was married.”

Let your friends support you. Chris says, “Don’t be shy about trusting friends, good friends don’t mind.” Diane agrees, she says that she couldn’t have done it without her friends. In fact both lived with friends after the breakdown of their marriages. Diane says that she realized that, in general, “people are very generous and kind.”

Make the divorce process as painless as possible. Try to choose a lawyer who offers a collaborative divorce and mediation service. It is important to keep communication channels open.

Sonia says it was hard for her to adjust to being single, but she kept a journal of her feelings and found that it helped. She was afraid of being alone at first, but she overcame the fear, she started meeting new people and, after about three years, she started dating again.
Other people take longer to start dating again. I recently met a woman who had been divorced for eight years and was just beginning to get comfortable with the idea of ​​dating.

The most important thing about redesigning your life is that you are happy with yourself, that you like yourself and the life you have led. This is why negative emotions can hold you back.

Many people find that divorce makes them stronger. They are no longer prepared to tolerate things they don’t like. If you are happy with yourself you do not need to tolerate anyone because you are emotionally self-sufficient.

Take the time to really decide what you want and don’t want and then plan the steps you need to take to redesign your life.

The biggest challenge is deciding what you want. A lot of people don’t know, maybe you haven’t even thought about it?

Steps to redesign your life

Set aside a couple of hours, go somewhere where you won’t be disturbed, and think about how you want your life to be. Write down all the things you would like to be, do and have. Write everything down, no matter how crazy it sounds.

· What did you used to enjoy before getting married?

· Did you sacrifice any dreams, ambitions or hobbies during your marriage?

· Imagine that you are 90 years old and you look back on your life: what memories would you like to have?

What would you like people to say about you?

Now think about the steps you could take to achieve your perfect life. Do not think that it is useless and that you cannot change anything; think about what prevents you from being, doing and having what you want.
By making small changes, taking one step at a time and trying different things, you can change your life.

Five secrets to creating a life you love

1. Know what you want.

2. Be willing to take action.

3. Believe that there is no such thing as failure, only feedback.

4. Be willing to try different things: If what you’re doing isn’t working, then do something different.

5. Be positive and believe that you can create a life that you love.