Sometimes you intuitively know that if you’re trying to recover from an affair, you really need to care about your own marriage (and yourself) more than anything else. However, this can be easier said than done. This is especially true if the other person in the affair ends her marriage. This leaves the wife wondering if the other woman will now try to resume the affair since she is now single.

A wife might say, “I have to admit, I had been feeling a little hopeful about my marriage. I felt like my husband and I were making progress. But yesterday he told me that the other woman had texted him and told me that she and her husband were getting a divorce. He claims they haven’t been in contact until yesterday. She also claims he told her that while he’s sorry to hear she’s getting divorced, it doesn’t change anything. He allegedly stressed to her that the affair it’s still over and she still wants to work on our marriage she swears this is all true and she told her not to contact him again this all makes me very uneasy I feel like basically she called my husband with this ad because she hopes she can get him back This makes me feel pressured I feel like we’ve made progress but now I feel like we need to make a lot more progress before I can feel safe that he’s not going to get back together with her and if they both end up single what’s stopping them from being together?

I understand your preocupation. In his circumstances, he would also pause. I was lucky that the other woman just left. In this case, I think you have to focus on a couple of things. 1) her husband didn’t really have to tell her about the call or the fact that the other woman was divorcing her. Frankly, he should have known this was going to upset you, but he opened up about it anyway. These facts seem to show some good faith on his part. Also, 2) when the other woman tried to contact her husband, he seems to have rejected her. Rather than go behind your back and pick up where their relationship left off, he assured you that he wanted to continue trying to save your marriage. It could be argued that he didn’t have to do this.

Of course, there are certainly cases where an attempt at reconciliation with a spouse fails and the cheating spouse ends up taking matters up again. This is certainly not unheard of. But I don’t think it’s to your benefit to just assume that this is what’s going to happen. I think your best move is to not panic and keep doing what you’ve been doing. Because like you said, you’re making progress. There is no reason to stop or divert this plan when it has been working. Of course, it makes sense to keep watching her husband to make sure he isn’t acting differently. You could also casually ask him in a week or two if he’s heard from her.

Don’t let this divert you from the success (and hope) you were already having. This may well be your goal. Don’t let her win. Who cares what she and her husband have decided? That is her marriage. The fact that they are unsuccessful in saving their marriage does not have to influence your saving yours if that is what you want. Actually, you don’t have all the details. Maybe her husband didn’t want to figure it out. Perhaps the affair was just a deal breaker for him. We really don’t know and I don’t think you should spend your precious time worrying about someone else’s marriage and divorce when you have to worry about your own marriage. Your husband has shown good faith and you are making progress. There’s no reason not to be optimistic if you continue this way and try to ignore distractions like worrying about what the other woman is doing. I know that it is difficult and that you can feel very vulnerable after an affair.