Not long after entering management in the industry for which he has been trained, he realizes that one skill he did not acquire in his education is the ability to have difficult conversations, or what I sometimes call courageous conversations. For the scope of this article, I am referring to the leadership that you carry or leave in the closet in your daily functioning. These conversations often involve issues or behaviors related to staff, customers, associates, or partners. I find that most managers avoid these difficult times by focusing on what they were trained to do and enjoy. We’re hoping “maybe they’ll go away if I ignore it long enough.” Unfortunately, if they are not addressed, they often only get worse and affect both morale and company performance. Instead of leaving the office feeling fulfilled every night, you go home brooding and often gnashing your teeth over an unresolved issue. At this point, if you can’t relate to what I’m writing, consider yourself lucky and you can recycle this article. For those of you who exclaim, “That’s me!” keep reading

Here are some tips for getting unstuck and avoiding the dire consequences of avoiding the difficult conversation. Can you identify the problem and the person(s) involved in the first place, or have you avoided it for so long that you now call it normal?

I am going to list a few examples that I have come across both in my own career and now as a consultant/trainer in offices and corporations.

1. The employee or office manager who uses intimidation or harassment of co-workers to obtain a desired result.

2. The underperforming employee who is ignored and raises performance standards to a level that makes you or your co-workers want to yell!

3. The associate whose relationship skills are demeaning to staff or turning patients out the back door.

4. The customer who has started the business but has now developed demanding or abusive expectations, and everyone dreads the moment he walks in the door. Equally frustrating is the employee who develops similar expectations of his co-workers.

5. The new employee who is never accepted or allowed to develop and become part of the team, also known as the “clique syndrome.”

6. The executive whose coping toolbox is anger, frustration, manipulation, or better yet, passing it on to the office manager and other employees.

As business leaders, a different skill set is required to address the above issues. We are used to complying with specialized procedures and functions, being experts in our fields. With leadership and people development, it’s an ongoing process that requires our ongoing influence. We all recognize customers and return to our company not only because of our great margins and the great work done, but also because of the experience they find with our team. The following are the steps to short-circuit the toxic situation.

1. Cheer up! Acknowledge and commit to addressing the problem. Have a conversation with a trusted colleague or spouse. Hopefully, if you’ve raised this issue 10 or 15 times, they’ll ask, “When are you going to take action?”

2. In a quiet, reflective moment, write down the specific problem, how long it has persisted, the consequences of this performance or behavior, and the people involved.

3. List the different options you have and the anticipated consequences of each choice: termination; train and develop; coach; you may need legal advice or training before beginning the process.

4. Commit to a date when you will broach the subject, and don’t allow yourself to rationalize to do it later.

5. Identify what will look different in employee behavior or performance to demonstrate that they have clarity and understanding of your expectations. Be specific and try to remove ambiguity.

6. Offer coaching, counseling, or skills training depending on the situation. Sometimes the person may need development, and her investment in her will make her an outstanding employee. We are all a work in progress!

Take the time to develop a process that gets you to a place that sheds light on the situation objectively. Practice and perfect a process that generates action and results in growth. Recognize your own strengths and weaknesses in your leadership style. Commit to growth in this area, such as a continuing education course in your field of expertise. Allow your brain to think objectively and analyze the various components, the same way we approach a complex project or contract. See moving forward and watch your steps as a win-win. We’re not doing anyone a favor by ignoring these issues…everyone suffers. Understanding and developing our leadership skills is one of the least developed skills in our toolbox. It affects every facet of our office from profitability to enjoyment of our profession.

I am including a reading list to enhance your lifelong learning. Please don’t hesitate to contact me with questions or comments.

– The Truth About Leadership, by James M. Kouzes and Barry Z. Posner

– Developing Your Inner Leader, by John C. Maxwell

– From Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap…and Others Don’t, by Jim Collins

– Leadership Change, by John P. Kotter

– The Motivational Team Leader, by Lewis E. Losoncy

– Jack: Strait of the Intestine, by Jack Welch and John A. Byrne

– On Becoming a Leader, by Warren G. Bennis