Are you suffering from a deep gut pain and wondering if you can trust this person? Does the trust require a research restriction? Have you locked yourself in a damned if you ask and potentially damned if you don’t ask? Are you willing to risk damaging your relationship and hurting your partner’s feelings? Will your query elicit the inevitable response? “Now that you don’t trust me, I could do what you’ve accused me of doing!” How can you proceed without ruining your relationship?

The runaway feelings and emotions so characteristic of infatuation or the excitement of a start-up company can put a person on a pedestal. Would you rather see the world and your partner through the rose-colored glasses of trust until it is proven that you don’t deserve it? The silent trust agreement says that you don’t ask your partner to prove their trustworthiness and demands that you know it without asking. You give him confidence without proof. If one carelessly invests much of his life in the relationship and is betrayed, extradition can be difficult and involve a wide circle of friends and family. Initially more pleasant and less work, this attitude is fraught with risk and vulnerability. Most people remove their pink glasses after their first heartbreak.

On the other hand, he chooses a position of distrust until he acquires a positive test of the trustworthiness demonstrated with consistent behavior. This requires repressing your feelings. Leading a life of bitter disappointment devoid of the uplifting flight of the heart that comes simply from believing in someone or something is also risky and unprotected. Opportunities to love can be lost if they defend you too much.

Faking it into philosophy is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you behave as if your partner is trustworthy, trust can help support your partner when you are tempted to cheat. The act of trusting creates its own momentum in a relationship. Positive creates positive reactions and pessimistic negativity creates negative reactions.

The most important element of confidence is the lack of suspicion that sits in the pit of your stomach. You happily move forward in your day assuming your relationship is fine. There is an absence, a silence that one takes for granted until something out of the ordinary makes you doubt. Once doubt creeps in, a chain reaction begins. Your adrenal glands flood your body and you can barely breathe or function. Doubt, suspicion, jealousy corrode your peace of mind, leaving you a lot of nerves. The inability to function at work and the inability to think reasonably or regain your sense of balance can lead to rash and sometimes violent actions. Whether true betrayal or just imaginary mental scenes occurred, you must calm your reactionary rage. Innocent until proven otherwise counts in relationships too.

If your partner admits to betraying you, you have several options. If you are deeply in love and cut off from the support of friends and family, don’t abruptly walk out the door. You may need to trust the fragments of your relationship to help you get through the deep pain of losing trust in someone you love. What is the true cost of treason? Have you evaluated the amount of potential damage to your world if you cannot trust your partner? Illness, divorce, harm to your children, and even death are consequences that can result from betrayal.

Once you fix everything, do you risk your heart and trust again? The assumption that your relationship will never be tested is unrealistic. There is no way to guarantee that trust is never broken again. If you love the person, give them a second chance if possible. If he makes no effort to protect you from injury or to change his behavior, you may need to ask yourself if his love is strong enough and is worth investing in your well-being and your future.

To rebuild trust as a couple, remember:

Get the facts before you react, be honest and be honest.

Allow yourself or your partner a desensitization period to repeat the pain over and over again until it heals.

Accept or give a sincere apology and make amends with your partner in any way you can.

Know that it may take a year for your partner to cry and learn to trust you again.

Learn to be more open with others to deepen your connection.