With so many relationships breaking down and such a high percentage of marriages ending in divorce, it’s no wonder many of us, at some point, end up on the dating scene again.
We may be older and wiser, a little battered and bruised, but often once we’re ready to go on a date again, thinking of rejoining the fray, we entertain the fantasy of meeting someone special. Going back to the dating scene means being optimistic, hopeful, and eager to find love again.
What should we keep in mind when we return to the dating scene?
– Our experiences from previous relationships It may have marked our eyesight and made us wary of what could go wrong. We may really want to meet someone new, but it makes us nervous to trust again. Cynicism of the motives of others and the uncertainty of our own instincts after making mistakes can be sensible forms of self-protection, but if we treat all new dates with apprehension, they will soon feel our hesitation and lack of enthusiasm. It will not bode well if we are on permanent alert, suspicious of their comments, behavior or intentions.
Counseling and hypnotherapy it can be a helpful start to the healing process and a good way to deal with past disorders. Therapy can help us improve our confidence, self-esteem, and remedy unwanted habit patterns, making us more assertive in a proper adult way. Don’t forget that most potential dates will have their own story, too, with your worries, concerns, and fears. Getting started, the second time around, can be a cautious time for both of you.
– This may be a good time to do things that boost your confidence. Maybe your wardrobe, makeup, or grooming regimen is in need of a makeover. Small changes can make a big difference in how you feel about yourself, and they often cost very little to implement. Pay attention to current affairs, popular television, and local events so you can easily join the conversations and offer relevant opinions. Consider choosing a hobby or interest, volunteering, or joining a course. Exams don’t have to be a factor!
– You may have to deal with children They are not too impressed with the idea of you dating again. They may have been through the damage of the breakup, witnessed the pain of divorce, and are used to you being around, more like your old self and always there for them. The idea of a new ‘mom’ or ‘dad’ arriving on the scene can fill you with horror.
Depending on their age and knowledge of the reasons for the breakup, your ex may have been put on a pedestal, especially if he is seen as the victim, alone and struggling to recover. Giving you ‘permission’ to start dating again may seem like a step too far and incredibly unfair.
Jealousy, resentment and emotional blackmail of children You may need to navigate with a gentle but firm determination, especially if they refuse to share it or treat any serious new relationships with surprise or disdain. Sometimes it is advisable to keep the fact that you are dating private until you are sure that this new relationship is right for you, even if that decision remains for months or even years, until the children are older or more settled.
And if they insist on monitoring your love life, it is important that you refuse to let them bully you. Older children are often determined to live their life on their own terms, but they must still allow you to do the same.
– Older parents, the elderly Sometimes you can start to increase your demands just when you are ready to start over on the dating scene. They can become increasingly fragile and need higher levels of support. You may worry about leaving them unattended for too long or calling you in a moment. It could make the notion of dating again seem like a hassle.
But friends who provide support or the services offered by many local care agencies could potentially step into the gap and provide the level of support required to help alleviate those concerns. And mobile phones make it easy for all of us.
– Friends can also send mixed messages. Sometimes, at first, they can show great enthusiasm for you to get back on the dating scene. They may be interested in introducing you to single friends, making coffees, supporting you when you want to lose a little weight, and updating your image. But then, if you commit more to dating, reality may hit them. The awareness that taking someone new seriously and how it could significantly change your close and supportive relationship can greatly affect them and motivate them to revise their approach.
Notice that they start to discourage you or regularly find fault with your new love interest. Trust your instincts and pay attention to any reasonable concerns they may have, but also appreciate that other people’s perception of your date will be different than yours, especially if they come from a long-established, welcoming, family relationship.
Have fun, take good care of yourself, and enjoy getting back on the dating scene!
