Narcissism is one of the most prevalent personality problems we hear about in the media today. With high-profile divorces like Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook, we have an example of a diagnosed form of narcissism. Peter Cook was diagnosed with the disorder during the course of his divorce and has since exhibited his narcissistic traits after the divorce by leading the media into a battle that is long over.

What we see in a person who has narcissistic traits or a diagnosed personality disorder is arrogance and concern for themselves and their needs. The desire to be seen as important, powerful, and superior to other people is one that requires satiation at all times. They look for people to put them on a pedestal and revere their presence and intelligence. When those same people no longer see them this way, they get rid of them and move on to the next person. To receive the praise of people they yearn for and desire, they are manipulative and will often tell lies about what they have achieved, who they are, and what they will or may be able to achieve. For those people the narcissist sees as “inferior” or “less valuable” than they are, the narcissist will treat them with disdain. The need to control the people around them is important to the narcissist.

Usually when a narcissist becomes enraged or feels disrespected, they will make false statements, spread rumors to help you regain that sense of control that you have lost and that helps you feel superior to the person who has disrespected you. . That need or driving force to feel or be seen as superior is important to the narcissist.

Narcissists tend to engage in an activity called “gaslighting.” Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where the abuser repeatedly manipulates situations to deceive the victim into mistrust of their own memory and perceptions. It is an insidious form of abuse and makes victims question the instincts they have relied on for their entire lives, making them insecure about anything. Gaslighting makes it highly likely that victims will believe everything their abusers tell them regardless of their own experience of the situation. It often precedes other types of physical and emotional abuse because the victim of gaslighting is more likely to remain in other abusive situations as well.

There are numerous gas lighting techniques, which can make it difficult to identify. These techniques are used to hide truths that the abuser does not want the victim to realize and that can be perpetrated by both women and men. Some of them are:

1. “Retention” is an artificial lighting technique in which the abuser feigns a lack of understanding, refuses to listen, and refuses to share his emotions.

2. Another gas lighting technique is “counteracting”. In this case, an abuser will question the memory of the victim even though the victim remembered things correctly.

3. “Blocking” and “deflecting” are gas lighting techniques in which the abuser changes the conversation from the topic to questioning the victim’s thoughts and controlling the conversation.

4. “Trivializing” is another form of gaslighting. It involves making the victim believe that their thoughts or needs are unimportant.

5. Some gas lighters will poke fun at the victim for their “wrongdoings” and “misperceptions.”

Gas lighting techniques are used in conjunction to try to make the victim doubt their own thoughts, memories and actions, which creates fear in the victim to bring up any topic for fear that they are “wrong” about it. or do not remember the situation. correctly.

The worst gas lighters will even create situations that allow the use of gas lighting techniques. An example of this is taking the victim’s keys out of the place where they are always left, making the victim think they have misplaced them. Then “helping” the victim with his “bad memory” to find the keys.

Some of the signs and symptoms that you are a victim of “gaslighting” are:
1. You are constantly questioning yourself.
2. You ask yourself: “Am I too sensitive?” a dozen times a day.
3. You often feel confused and even crazy at work.
4. You always apologize to your mother, father, boyfriend, boss.
5. You cannot understand why, with so many seemingly good things in your life, you are not happier.
6. You often make excuses for your partner’s behavior to your friends and family.
7. You find yourself hiding information from your friends and family so you don’t have to explain or make excuses.
8. You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never express what it is, not even to yourself.
9. You start to lie to avoid the humiliations and twists of reality.
10. You have trouble making simple decisions.
11. You have the feeling that you used to be a very different person; safer, more fun, more relaxed.
12. You feel hopeless and without joy.
13. You feel like you can’t do anything right.
14. You wonder if you are a “good enough” girlfriend / wife / employee / friend / daughter.
15. You find yourself hiding information from your friends and family so you don’t have to explain or make excuses.

If you believe you are married to or divorcing a narcissist, I highly recommend that you seek professional help from a professionally trained psychiatrist, psychologist, or therapist.