We all need a certain kind of emotional bond and a sense of security about the continuing quality of our relationship in order to feel safe.
It is true that sex was discovered by humans to procreate, bond, relate and above all to have pleasure, and sexual desire is undoubtedly the dynamic way in which life makes its special appearance. However, the experimental frenzy of sexual desires can sometimes go against the balance of life and turn it into an abusive and addictive tango.
Let’s find out what constitutes confusion in a sexual relationship that lacks real intimacy.
sex and the city
With the world moving at breakneck speed and everyone trying to outdo everyone else in the race for life, very little thought is given to emotions and the need for sexual maturity. Young people are in a hurry to get as many experiences as possible before their peers declare them ‘old-fashioned’ and ‘old-fashioned’. Many addictions and wanton sex fall into this category, where the sense of right and wrong overlap, leaving the young person very confused and often damaged. He can’t be more exposed to someone than in sexual union, and casual sex with strangers can be exciting, but he can get more than just a sexually transmitted disease. You are being more open and unsuspecting with a stranger, and that includes being emotionally open, needy, and in a projective state. Therefore, it is very important that you choose a partner who you can trust to be a responsible lover and someone who is psychically in tune with you.
Although sex is a simple act of two people connecting intimately on a physical basis for the mutual gratification of carnal needs; the sexual act, when it is highly satisfying physically, also has the power to create deep bonds between two people. We can’t always call it love, but without this deeply felt bond, sex becomes a meaningless indulgence and often has painful repercussions; for at least one partner who is involved in such agreement.
primitive sex
Paleolithic man dragged a woman by her hair into a cave to satisfy his sexual hunger. I call it hunger for the sole reason that an uncivilized man was capable of feeling nothing but an unbridled hunger for food and sex at the same time. As he learned to cultivate and think, he also developed feelings, and that gave rise to creative art and later forms of expression. With the development of emotions, man became less coarse and began to refine himself. He learned to pick and choose partners he felt like getting to know up close and personal. Rather than simply sniff the air and pounce on the first available piece of meat, he developed a palate.
Feelings and emotions became an integral part of man’s social and civic self as he progressed through life. He began to feel a stirring in his heart, which gave rise to feelings of attachment, emotional bonding, and even love and respect for the partner he chose to mate with. He learned to make decisions, to choose the right partner, to abstain if the circumstances are not feasible and to recognize the lack of moderation.
Desire and dissociation
For the most part, the need for sex begins in adolescence and lasts until one reaches the end. Young people often discover sex through discussions among peers, by feeling strange sensations in their body, by finding some graphic literature or today on the Internet, where it is freely available. In our country, the subject of sex is still taboo and parents avoid telling a child about the proverbial bird and the bees, mainly because their own parents never told them about it. A boy surfs the net, looks at some forbidden books and acquires half knowledge of something as essential as sex. What happens when such a child is ‘caught’ with a pornographic book or even something as natural as masturbating and severely punished? It develops feelings of guilt and shame. Parents even withdraw love from a ‘wayward’ child and make him absolutely miserable by ‘exploring’ him. On a more intense level, the child feels numb and tries to run away from painful feelings of guilt by developing resentment about sex. The child also does not recognize the value of emotional literacy and ends up being an adult ‘without feelings’, only because his parents reprimanded him for something as natural as sex. This ‘insentment’ begins as a defense against accepting his own vulnerability and ends with repressing, fearing and avoiding intimate feelings. When he grows up without any freedom in terms of his sexual expressions, he becomes sexually inadequate or promiscuous, with no qualms about who he has sex with, as long as they consistently provide it. .
love and short of it
With such a person, indiscriminate sex becomes a refuge from emotions and other painful life situations. They relegate emotional connections because they are unable to feel them and often become instruments to harm themselves and those involved with them. Love makes the world go round. Also sex. The two cannot be separated from each other. A mind and heart bent on believing that feelings have nothing to do with sexual satisfaction will often find a sexual experience inadequate. Something will always be friends, even after a great romp in bed. And to fill the empty feelings, the person will switch from one partner to another, only to fall deeper into the quagmire of emptiness and leftover feelings of dissatisfaction.
It has been discovered that sex in terms of orgasm has a life time counted in seconds… and since only the pig’s orgasm lasts 30 minutes, we have to accept the fact that body pleasure at its climax is clinically restricted to mere seconds. Anyway, before we start envying the pig; It’s always tactful to get to know sexual connection on a deeper level before rushing into it.
the sweet taboo
Generally speaking, we say love and sex, coming in that order. Because, when love arrives, sex cannot be left behind. The desire to touch, hug, kiss and possess a loved one is as natural as sunlight. In fact, something is not right in the relationship if there is no physical desire. Falling in love and feeling an emotional bond with someone after a few encounters is also common. But in today’s fast times, the common adage is: “There is no time for love”, because love takes a lot of energy and who has time? It also takes a long time to turn a relationship into one of true love, while a willing partner and a convenient location is usually the only prerequisite for having sex. You find a spoiled partner who raises your adrenaline/oxytocin levels, and… if it’s mutual, then close encounters take place at ‘your house’ or ‘mine’; it doesn’t matter where… as long as it stifles some crazy desires of the flesh.
Let’s take a closer look at the subsequent emotions that follow when one indulges in wanton sex without knowing responsibility for its consequences.
emotional security
Often such sexual encounters and exploits leave one with a big question mark of actual satisfaction. It happens because sex has a price, the risks of venereal diseases and, most dangerously, AIDS are a warning to restrain ourselves and discriminate, before biting every tempting apple that comes our way. On the other hand, sex without the harness of love, or something similar, often leaves one feeling empty and used. For sex to be at its most pleasurable you need some kind of emotional bond with your sexual partner, and it shouldn’t be based on frustrations or longing but on a deeper exploration of what DH Lawrence calls “the joyful mysteries” between two people who love each other. they are committed to each other. The trust and honesty of a loving relationship must be combined with the courage and vulnerability of sexual passions to create true intimacy. It is absolutely essential to have emotionally safe sex. Emotional contraceptives are for the health of your mind, soul, spirit, self-esteem and self-esteem.
Respect your body. you only have one
It is true that sex in itself is pure pleasure that does not require commitment or emotions as an appendage to enjoy it when you want. And it is also true that one can fully enjoy bodily pleasures even without the hindrance of a relationship. ‘Wham…bam…thank you ma’am…it’s so convenient in today’s world.’ You order sex like it’s fast food and enjoy it while you’re on the go. You feel the desire and call a partner. Hunger is extinguished, desire is extinguished and a passing euphoria is felt. Two go their separate ways, until necessity brings them together again.
But it is always recommended that before saying a meaningless yes to the needs of your body, you stop for a while and think if this is what you really need and want, and you are not just following a trend to look modern, and that you are don’t mimic someone else’s misplaced notions of being ‘Cool’. If your mind says yes, and you feel that you are ready to face the responsibility of such a relationship, then go ahead and enjoy the ‘joy ride’, as only you can decide what is best for you. But if, even for an infinitesimal second, an uncertainty about the consequences and an uneasy doubt that you don’t feel quite right arise in your mind, then stop and give yourself time.
Sexual surrender lowers all thresholds. This is why most sex workers find ways to professionally distance themselves from emotions and treat sex as a transaction for which they are paid.
No matter what happens, sex is a beautiful experience. ‘Feel it’ first, in your heart and soul; understand it in your mind; understand the various magical nuances of it and feel responsible to it, before experiencing it physically with someone special.
It will save you from the excruciating and painful feeling of lying in a damp place later, with a heart that feels like a barren desert.
