Are you ready to commit to long distance love and your man has cold feet? This is a tough situation, but I think my experience can provide the right kind of advice to help your long distance relationship flourish. There are some very basic questions to ask yourself if he is afraid to get into the relationship. I think my advice below will not only help you identify the problem, but also find a remedy for it.
How well do you know each other? My girlfriend and I have been together for 10 months and we couldn’t be happy. I think a lot of it has to do with the amount of work we do to build the real bond between us. It started with a lot of old fashioned “getting to know each other.” We really do go from A to B to C in a stereotypical relationship. What do you do for a living? Where did you go to university? Where are you from? Simple things like that go a long way in learning about the person. Not only that, but you move on to other conversations and topics that will create even more bonds between you. Maybe your man has some cold feet because he has reservations because his heart isn’t convinced that he knows you well enough to commit. I think a great place to start if your man isn’t interested is to ask if your foundation is well built.
Physical connection – Another place to look if your man is afraid to commit to a long distance relationship is the strength of your physical connection, and more specifically, his needs. This can be hard to “feel” but men need a physical connection to their partner and the very definition of a long distance relationship makes it difficult.
Try to find out his physical needs without asking directly. You can pick up on his cues by the amount of touching he does while you’re together. Is she constantly holding your hand or twirling your hair? How often does he kiss you? How frequent are sexual interactions? I think you can get a good idea of his needs just by reading the clues he’s leaving, but if not, maybe it’s best to just go out and ask.
Be aware of the fact that these kinds of things can be difficult to talk about if you’re not used to it, so be careful. Frame the conversation with smaller talk and then just walk away with it. Say something like, “We both have physical needs, and I just want to make sure you feel open to talking about yours.” That will ease any discomfort and hopefully you will be able to express what is going on from that point of view. If you don’t think it’s a lack of physical connection, or that the two of you don’t know each other well enough, then let’s look at your other options for a few more reasons you’re afraid to commit.
The third thing would be what are your other options? Think about this carefully because it may not tell you the whole story of why you’re not interested in jumping into a long distance relationship. My honest advice is that you may be saying you are afraid to commit to an LDR when really you only have other options. Your other options could include other love interests or wanting to be single.
I think the hardest thing to spot is the latter: wanting to be single. This would basically be him telling you, “I’d rather do it alone than commit to a long-distance relationship.” That’s a really hard thing to say if he cares about you, especially if he’s worried about your feelings being hurt. He must realize that the prospects for a long-distance relationship are pretty bleak, so the long-term gain must outweigh the difficulty inherent in an LDR.
You might also have another love interest in mind. This could be hard to compete with, especially if that other person lives in the same area. If you suspect this to be the case, it’s best to mention it. “Are you afraid to get into our relationship because someone else is closer to you?” is a great question to ask. If you don’t ask and suspect something like that, you’ll regret it because you’ll always wonder what’s going on. You will be torturing yourself by checking his Facebook every day to see if he is in a relationship or if there are pictures of him with someone else. My advice is to be honest with yourself and analyze your situation; he may have other options that he feels are better routes.
In conclusion, the best advice for a long distance relationship is to be really honest in your assessment of where your relationship stands in regards to how well you know each other. He’s not going to commit to something that already has the odds stacked against him if he doesn’t feel like he knows you that well. Also, he thinks about his other options and weighs the physical connection he will demand.
