Do you find it hard to say no to people, even when you really want to? Do you sometimes, or even often, say yes to things and then regret your acquiescence? If so, you are not alone. Many people are raised with the belief that saying yes is not only the right thing to do, but that it is often easier to say yes than no. Saying yes allows us to avoid criticism, and the person you’re saying yes to won’t question your motives. Not only that, saying yes often leads to the other person complimenting you, which can make you feel loved or cared for, at least in the short term.

The Yin and Yang of Yes and No
However, think about this. She may have heard that in order to know true pleasure, he must have had to experience some pain. Why is that? The reason is that if there were no pain, there would be nothing comparable to pleasure. The reason that things are pleasant is because we know that there are other things that are not. It is a strange dichotomy but it is true.

The same can be said when it comes to choosing to say yes or no. It can be difficult to say no, for the reasons we discussed above, but to truly have freedom of choice, you must realize that it’s up to you to say yes or no. Like pleasure and pain, without a no, there really is no such thing as a yes. We need to realize that one does not exist without the other, and when we realize that, we understand that we actually have freedom to choose, and we recognize the power of having that freedom.

Accept your personal power
You have personal power, and the choice to say yes or no is just one example of your power. If you’ve been in the habit of saying yes just to get along, or out of fear of disapproval, or because you crave affirmation from someone you care about, it can take some work to remind yourself that you really do have a choice.

Look for examples of times when you said yes, when you really meant no. Ask yourself why you think she made that decision. What would have been different if she had responded in the opposite way?

This does not mean that you should always answer no, of course! You have every right to say yes, and every right to say no, as long as your answer does not in any way cause or cause harm to yourself, your loved ones, or impede your happiness. Just remember that a yes answer only has power if there is also the possibility of a no.