Let’s face it… first dates are never easy. However, they are easier to find in this world of online dating, social media, and “hooks.” With 55 million people visiting the top two dating sites each month, it’s no wonder a first date feels more like a quick round of dating where you only have a few minutes to hook him or lose him. Most men will admit to forming an opinion in just a few minutes (sometimes less) about whether or not they are interested in a woman. Unfair? I hate to tell you this, but women are no different. On a subliminal level, we’re already measuring the new guy in front of us at a table against the latest losers we’ve been with. Any little thing he says or does can remind you of your Uncle Ricky who drives you up the wall. He may have little eye contact and play with his napkin. Fairly minor flaws, but in this fast-paced digital world where a new date is just a profile away, people are weeding out first date candidates with remarkable ease.

So… what are the main reasons men call off after the first date? Here are the top 5 “I’m outta here” answers.

1. She was too eager to please me. I want a girl with her own opinion of her and one who will give me a little run for my money…you know…feisty in a nice way. That says trust and not that this date is decisive for her happiness. Give us a challenge…make us wonder if we’re up to it! Without being all Diva, of course.

2. Leave the office in the office! This is an appointment, not a board meeting. Seriously, many women think that they need to impress us with their title, achievements, trophies and accolades. Sure, we want to get a sense of who you are, but a date should be romantic and fun. I swear a girl came on a first date with the building plans she had just designed and she spread them out on the table! She was wondering if she was supposed to take notes! I never had the feeling that she was interested in me at all. He talked back to her so many times I stopped talking. I just nodded my head.

3. She looks like a girl. Being feminine is a great turn on for men. If you’re coming straight from an office meeting, mention it, unless you’re wearing a skirt or dress, in which case we don’t care where you’re from…we like it! Leave the grunge look for an off-road adventure where the mud is involved. Perfume (in small doses) still stirs a man’s guts. Soft hairstyles, soft makeup or none at all. Fingernails sticking out of the shoulder pads, dog collars, black nail polish and lipstick… uhhhhhh… no thanks. We can get that from the guy with all the piercings at the sandwich shop. And speaking of piercings…if you’re in danger when you get too close to an imam, you’re probably not someone a great guy wants to date.

4. I don’t want to date a girl who doesn’t know how to relax and go with the flow. A date is to go out and do something that takes your mind off work. If a girl is really picky about her food, or returns it for some silly reason, that’s a deal breaker. All we see is a lifetime of trying to please this Princess. If the waitress makes a mistake… so what? If I tell a silly joke, it may mean that I’m nervous and trying too hard to please you. Let go, laugh and help me make the night fun. FYI…too many women forget that we just shelled out our hard-earned money to go out with you and try to have a good time. It’s rude to ruin the night by being bored, arguing, or making depressing statements about the place we’ve chosen to take you. Good manners are always welcome.

5. Surprise us! Seriously, women who men tend to ask on a second date said or did something during the date that makes us blink…in a good way. She was attractive, had great ideas for fun things to do, had a passion for life, and showed kindness to others (believe it or not, men rank “kindness” as her number one attractive quality in a woman). I had a great date with a girl and I was walking her to her car outside her restaurant. There was a fountain with a punch of pennies at the bottom. She stopped, opened her purse and took out two pennies for each of us. I smiled and said, “What is this for?” She said: “Turn your back to the fountain and throw a penny over your left shoulder while making a wish.” I did. “Now, take the other penny and throw it over your right shoulder as you make a wish.” After doing that, I looked at her curiously and said, “How do you know which wish is granted?” She smiled and said, “The one you threw over the ‘right’ shoulder, of course.” It was corny, but I laughed. She wrinkled her nose in the sweetest way, as if to say, “It was supposed to be silly.” I knew at that moment that I wanted to see this girl again. She knew how to have fun and not take herself too seriously. Frankly, I couldn’t stop thinking about her.

With all the dating out there, be at your best game by being upbeat, positive, relaxed, and most of all, interested in him and what he has to say. Listen between the lines and you’ll hear volumes about what he’s trying to tell you. Most people are so busy thinking of something clever or impressive to say when it’s their turn that they don’t really listen.

Happy dating!
Rebecca F. Pittman, creator of TroubleshootingMen.net