Dictionary.com says, “Bully: a bully, bully, and bossy person who habitually harasses and intimidates smaller or weaker people.”
Wouldn’t it be great if you could protect your children from bullying?
Bullies have been in the news quite a bit lately after belittling, beating up, and even driving their victims to suicide. They use their words, fists, and the Internet to do their dirty deeds. Millions of children are bullied each year and it doesn’t seem like much is working to cure this terrible social problem.
Bullies prey on the smallest and weakest children; that is a known fact. Apparently dominating another person makes them feel big and strong. Bullies are both men and women and so are their victims. When stalkers attack, their victims feel scared, alone, and depressed. Bullying is not just a childhood problem; its negative effects can cast long, dark shadows into the future of both the victim and the harasser.
Many victims, if not cured, grow up to be fearful adults with many problems and low self-esteem. Many bullies, if not helped, grow up to be criminals. It is a tragic dance.
There will always be bullies in the world, so it’s best to teach your kids how to handle them ahead of time. Fortunately, there are two proactive ways to teach kids to be bully-proof: #1 Help them build good self-esteem and confidence and #2 Teach them how to stand up for themselves.
Studying a martial art is a fast and effective way to achieve both #1 and #2. For thousands of years, martial arts students of all ages have transformed from weak and fearful to strong. and brave. It’s a wonderful self-improvement course!
Many children start training in martial arts after being threatened or hurt by a bully. By the time they arrive at our doors, the bullied child and her parent are often desperate for help.
Learning to defend yourself against bullies, bad guys, and mean girls builds self-confidence in even the most timid and scared child. When your kids know deep in their hearts that they can fight back if they have to, they become the kind of kids that bullies avoid. After all, they don’t want to get tangled up with kids who might beat them at their own game.
When martial arts students are taught blocking, kicking, punching, and self-defense techniques, they are encouraged to imagine using these moves on someone who is trying to harm them. Most of the time, these “some” are the bullies at school or in your neighborhood. Once students are more advanced, they are taught how to train or practice these moves with other martial arts students. With time and repetition, they become amazing “little warriors.”
Teaching children how to fight is a controversial concept. Some people believe that such training will turn sweet children into violent children. I totally disagree. I think the opposite happens. Self-defense training turns ordinary children into capable, non-violent children. I have been a black belt for nineteen years and have witnessed this transformation in hundreds of children and adults.
When children know that they are capable of defending themselves, a sense of peace and self-confidence takes root in their being. They are taller, look people in the eye, and radiate self-confidence. I don’t quite know how or why that happens, but it does. It is one of those mysteries of Life.
When it comes to dealing with bullies, here’s what I suggest you do:
first attacks
The first time a bully makes verbal contact with your child (insults, dresses, puts him down, or threatens him), you should look the bully in the eye and say “Stop!” in a loud tone as he makes the “stop sign” with his palm out. Do not Cry! (Bullies love it when they make someone cry.) He then runs away and tell a trusted adult about the encounter.
The first time a bully makes physical contact with your child (hitting, kicking, spitting, tripping, or shoving) they should make a lot of noise to get attention, yell “Help!” or “fire!” run away when possible and tell a trusted adult.
Role-playing verbal and physical attack scenarios with your child is a great teaching tool to do at home.
second attacks
The second time a bully makes physical contact with your child, tell him to fight back! Give your children permission to use physical force on a bully. Tell them to punch or kick seriously, make a lot of noise, call for help, run away when possible, and tell a trusted adult. Call and report the incident to the police, the school principal, and the bully’s parents. (Many times the bully’s parents are bullies too!)
Third Attacks
I doubt there will be a third time if your son fought back the second time.
Twenty-two years ago, my teenage daughter Amber was kidnapped by an armed stranger. She defended herself and escaped and today she is the mother of my two beloved granddaughters. Yes, I am very much in favor of teaching children to defend themselves, but I am not a violent person; quite the opposite. I am a very peaceful person, a peaceful warrior. But I live by this rule: “Fight when you must. Create peace the rest of the time.”
May you live safe and happy forever.
